dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
