Me. At least after what I've been through.
You can't special order awesome
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
