I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
