Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize