Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
