The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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