she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You need a sexual gate keeper
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
