so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
