I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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