remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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