One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
