Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
birth control should be required to get into college
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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