Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
