i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
