apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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