my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
