Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
