Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
