I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
