that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
