I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
