She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
