I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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