Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
