i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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