Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
