there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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