I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
