so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize