I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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