i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
