Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
