omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize