If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
