Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
