real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
