My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
