she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
