For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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