Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
