Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
