I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
