i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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