I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
