Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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