U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
