so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
