Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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