the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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