How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
