I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize