Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
