Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
