The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
