at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize