That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
