HIV tests are more positive than that guy
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
