Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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