how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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