Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
