so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize