He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have aggressive nipples.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
