I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
should my penis look like a turkey
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
