I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
