Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just high enough for therapy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
