you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
