that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
