He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
