you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
