I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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