Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
