I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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