She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
