you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
