i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
