we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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