Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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